Don't make me live without you
by Leximaven
Summary: A CP Coulter's Dalton fanfic. Julian fled Dalton, leaving a confused and miserable Logan behind him. But when a boy is as compulsive and wealthy as Logan Wright, how can a situation be anything but fluid? Jogan.


**Disclaimer: **Kurt and Blaine are, of course, property of whoever owns Glee. All other characters barr one are property of the amazing Mama CP.

**AN: **Just to explain the unpanicked mindset of the characters, there is no stalker in this fic. Also, in my defence, this was written in 6 hours, while most of my fics are written over the span of months. As for the ending – I apologise. The boys just didn't want to get it together, so it does seem very forced. Not the most wonderful contribution to the Gondola.

And now that I've destroyed all your hopes of this being a decent story - read on! :)

* * *

><p><em><strong>9 missed calls from Logan Wright<strong>_

'_Only nine?'_ Julian mused. That had to be a record, considering he'd left his cleared phone on the bench top over three hours ago. Maybe Logan was finally giving up.  
>Hang on, what was that…<p>

_**3 missed calls from Derek Seigerson**_

Derek? He'd just talked to him a few hours ago, why would he have called since then? And going by the timestamps – three times in the space of one hour? Something had to be up.

Just as he was about to make the call, Julian's landline rang. He glanced at the ID, where it hung on the wall. The front desk. Yes, yes, better answer that; he was expecting some people today, so it could be important.

"Julian Larson."

"_Julian! It's Sandra here."_

Sandra was his inside girl at the hotel – she'd give him the low-down on any situation in the lobby; usually only those involving him, but she did like to gossip.

"Sandra, could you make this quick? I need to make a call."

"_Of course. There's a guy down here asking to see you, I _think _he's after the PA position?"_

"You think?"

"_He was very insistent that he see you, said this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and he was damned if he was going to miss it."_

Even though no one could see him, Julian raised a brow. Somehow, this guy did not sound like PA material. To deal with primadonna Julian Larson, one had to keep a calm head – unless, of course, you were part of the Stuart Trio, or Kurt Hummel. That meant you could probably get away with a bit of shouting.

"_Anyway, I asked if that's what it was about," _What? No! You don't _help _crazy people find an excuse. "_and he seemed surprised." _Really. How surprising. _"He said he was shocked that I even had to ask."_

Oh. Well, it was unlikely that this guy was legit, but if there was a chance… He didn't want anyone getting all 'equal opportunities' on him, and really, if the guy was paparazzi or some crazy fan, it seemed he'd deal with it better than the front desk. Julian really needed to find another hotel.

"Alright Sandra, send him up. He can cool his heels while I make my call, see how he deals with the busy life of his potential boss."

"_Sure. He's on his way— *click*"_

Julian allowed himself a moment of irritation. Sure, it was good to have someone on the inside, but the girl was _so _naïve! She also tended to make matters worse. Oh well, he would just have to deal. Keep the guy waiting 'til he got sick of it and left – then it would be no one's fault but his own if he didn't 'get the job'.

Back to the more important dilemma at hand - he pressed '2' on the speed dial.

Damn, the line was busy. Aaaand busy again. The third time he tried, there was a knock at the apartment door.

"It's unlocked!" he called. "Come on through."

Julian heard the door swing open, a pair of not-so-hesitant footsteps heralding the stranger. That was interesting – it was one thing for the guy to be sharp with some girl at reception, completely another for him to feel comfortable in the home of an A-list celebrity.

"Wait for me in the lounge, would you? I'm on a call. First door on your right. Don't bother trying the others – they're locked."

As the steps disappeared into the thick carpet of the living room, he thought he heard a familiar snort. But then, the sensation in itself was familiar by now; he seemed to see and hear Logan everywhere.

_Damnit Derek, why aren't you picking up?_ He tried a fourth time – at last.

"Derek? What's going on, why do you keep calling me?"

"… _Me? You're the one who just rang me four times!"_

"Yes, because _you_ called _me_. Three times."

"_But not in a row!"_

"Staggering is something _you_ do, remember? I go for the more direct approach."

"_You mean overkill."_

"Look, would you just shutup and tell me the problem?"

"_Shutup _and _speak? I dunno Jules, that sounds pretty demanding—"_

"DEREK. Quit. Stalling. I have a meeting to get to; some guy's turned up for an impromptu interview as my PA."

"… _Oh, yeah? And does he look the part, or…?"_

"… D, what's going on? What aren't you telling me? Do I need to be worried about the stranger standing in my living room?"

"_No! No, not at all. Well, maybe. There's no substitute for caution, after all—"_

"Seigerson!" Julian barked into the phone. "You're rambling. Now tell me what the hell's going on, or I will hang up the Goddamn phone."

"_Logan's gone."_

"… what did you just say to me?"

"_He came into the room just as I was hanging up earlier, he heard me say your name. Went off on some rant about how you could talk to me but wouldn't return any of his calls, and then stormed out of the room. I figured he'd just prance off to the music hall, play something to calm himself down. But then Hummel came around asking for him – he missed Warbler practice."_

Breathe, Julian, breathe. Hyperventilation is bad. It would be fine, they would find him and everything would be—

"_His car's missing. Somehow the Brightman's became involved, they called up some connections at the airport – he's booked a flight for L.A. We think he's heading for you."_

— fine.

"Why—" he cleared his throat. "Why would he want to see me? I thought he was calling because he was _pissed_, not because he cares."

"_This is Logan – since when do you get one without the other? Anyway, of course he cares, Jules. _You _left _him_, remember?"_

"Are you saying I should have stayed? Damnit Derek, you know he would've broken my heart if I let him!"

"_So you couldn't even let him try? …I'm sorry; your business is none of mine. All I know is he's been talking about tracking you down for ages. I think our phone call was the straw that broke the camel's back. He was pretty upset."_

Silence. Derek sighed.

"_Julian… he's been totally miserable since you left—"_

"I don't want to talk about this Derek," he interrupted, voice tight.

"_Yeah, well you need to," _he snapped. "_So I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen, Larson. He's pretty fucked up. It's worse than Anderson, or Tipton – worse than Hummel even! There wasn't just some twisted romantic crap between the two of you – you were his best friend. And you walked."_

Julian breathed in sharply. He didn't want to hear this; because Derek was right, he _had _abandoned Logan. So what if it was out of self-preservation? He was still the guilty party.

"_Do you remember that time in Freshman year, when we found out what an arsehole the Senator is?"_

"Yeah," he breathed out shakily. Walls were all well and good, until they started to crumble.

"_We swore we'd never leave him, Jules. Never. But you did."_

With a growl, Julian snapped his phone shut, throwing it on the bench with enough force that it slid off the opposite end and hit the floor with a crash. Oops.

He stalked down the hall, throwing open the lounge room door – and there, examining the only photo of himself that Julian allowed in public, was Logan Wright.

He glanced up at the noise, offering his friend a cutting smile – don't ask me how a smile can be cutting, Julian only knew that it hurt – and gestured with the frame.

"Just the one photo of D and I, and how many of those cast mates of yours?"

Julian came forward, tugging the precious photo from his hands and replacing it on the bookshelf where it could be seen from the couch; where it belonged.

He examined his friend. D was right, Logan was something of a mess. He looked like he'd showered recently, at least, but his eyes were hollow, the shadows around them dark and obvious. His face looked drawn, and tired.

"You look like hell," Julian offered.

That got some reaction at least, a spark of anger lighting up those empty green eyes, but it was fainter than it should be under the circumstances. Julian wondered if he was medicated… there was no haze to be seen, but at no other point in his life had Logan failed to rise to such a challenge.

"Well, that's what happens when your best friend walks out on you with no warning, and won't return your calls. You tend to worry."

Julian sighed. "What are you doing here, Wright?"

The blond almost seemed to flinch at the use of his last name, but he quickly pulled himself together, standing with back straight and shoulders set; he was determined.

"I hear there's a job position going – Personal Assistant. I'd like to apply."

Julian rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Lo."

A smile curled up the corner of his lips at the slip; Julian scowled.

"So am I."

"You're still in school!"

The Warbler shrugged; "So are you."

Julian fidgeted guiltily.

"…aren't you?"

"I… may have dropped one or two of my subjects, lightened the load a little."

Logan narrowed his eyes. "How many." It wasn't a question.

"…all of them."

"**For fuck's sake Jules!**" he yelled, arms flying up in exasperation.

Julian stepped back quickly, but Logan wasn't throwing any punches. He had something to say, and he was going to say it damn it.

"You left Dalton? No, screw that, you left _school_? I can't believe you're stupid enough to let something like this ruin your education! Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you _tell _me? Fuck, why didn't Derek tell me! It's obvious you two have been keeping each other apprised – seems like you weren't as 'unreachable' as you seemed, huh Julian?"

He was pacing by this point, arms flailing widely; Julian had stepped back wisely, stopping only when his legs bumped into the couch.

"No! It was just _me_ you were keeping things from; _me_ whose every attempt at contact was ignored; _me_ who was left to lie awake at night, wondering what the hell I'd done that was so **unforgiveable** that you just up and walked right out of my life!"

Tears were shining in his eyes now, and Julian was positive he wanted to see them even less than Logan wanted him to. He wasn't equipped to deal with this.

"Are you quite done?" he asked calmly.

Logan turned to him, eyes disbelieving and hurt and _hard. _"No. You told me once I was stuck with you. Well now you're stuck with me. I'm going to apply for that job, you're going to give me due process or I'll sue your arse, and I'm going to be so damn qualified you'll have to give it to me."

"Logan—!"

"No! I know how you take your coffee, I know what pisses you off, I know when you're overworked… I know you, Jules, better than any newbie intern ever could. And if you're serious about your career – which you _must_ be, I mean, you dropped out of school – you will give me this job."

Julian narrowed his eyes, and considered his friend. He knew this couldn't have been the reason Logan turned up suddenly – he didn't even _know _about the job position until he arrived – but he actually seemed to be serious.

"You really except me to believe you'd _want _to spend 24 hours a day in my company? After all the shit that went down?"

"If that's the only way to keep you in my life, then yes. I'm not letting you walk away from me, Larson."

"Seriously. You would drop out of school, even with all your commitments; leave Derek alone; defy your father; spend all day interacting with arrogant celebrities, which I know you _hate_, all the while having to feign politeness… You'd put yourself at the beck and call of a bitchy primadonna, just to spend time with me." Julian's tone was flat – he couldn't, and wouldn't, believe this. Not of Logan, the most selfish human being in existence. This was the kind of thing he'd do for Hummel, someone he _really_ loved…

But Logan was staring at him with earnest eyes as he nodded, "Yes. I would. I just want my friend back."

"But…" he _really _didn't know how to deal with this turn of events; it was not something he'd ever expected. Julian scrambled to remind himself of the reasons why he'd run. "But – that conversation. The things you said; the things _I_ said! I can't… I'm not ready to talk about that, not yet, so how can we get past it?"

Logan gave a small, sad smile. "Come on, Jules; just because one of us said he loved the other doesn't mean we can't still be friends."

The brunette shook his head; in a way it kinda did.

"Look, I'll take it back, everything I said. Just… don't punish me because you feel _awkward_. Don't make me live without you."

What? This— He didn't… Maybe Julian was wrong. Maybe he could be ready.

"That…" he cleared his throat. "That thing you said, you know… Did you really mean it?"

Logan frowned. "Of course. More than I've ever meant it before. But why—?"

"Iloveyoutoo."

The blonde froze.

"…what did you just say to me?"

Julian shrugged, blushing. "I love you too."

"But – why did you run? When I said I loved you, you high-tailed it outta there. Why would you _run?_ You dropped out of Dalton for crying out loud! You haven't returned a single one of my calls, you've been ignoring me for months—"

"Because you're Logan Wright for fuck's sake! Falling in love is what you _do_. But staying in love? No, you never have been good at that."

The blonde really did flinch this time. "You thought I was going to leave you, so you left me first. Is that it?"

Julian wouldn't meet his eye.

"How the fuck does that make _sense?_"

"You're my best friend. If I lost you like that, I'd have lost you for good. But if I stepped back from things, waited 'til you moved on… We might have had a shot at being friends forever."

"Julian…" Logan didn't know what to say. "You should have _talked _to me."

"You forget. I know you too. You wouldn't hurt me intentionally, but these things have a way of happening. You will break my heart, John Logan Wright. And once that's done, you will forget me."

The two stood staring for a moment, frozen, at an impasse. They were interrupted by the ringing of the landline. Without breaking eye contact, Julian reached over to the end table and picked up the receiver, bringing it to his ear."

"Hi Derek… yes, he's here…... no, nothing as dramatic as all that… I know! I was too… No, he honestly wants the job… _*sigh* _Yes. Yes, he does… well, because I told him. That's usually how it works D… actually- no. We're not… because we aren't! These things take time Derek… no! I will not just ki— no, stop. _Derek_, I do not need an account of how you got back with Casey! …that's because you're a man-whore, D. Look, he's killing himself laughing, I have to go… _yes_, I will tell him…. GOODBYE Derek!"

Their eyes met once more, tension diffused by the sluttish antics of their best friend.

"Come on," Julian said. "You look like you could use a glass of water."

"What did D want?" Logan asked, as they walked the hall to the kitchen.

"To check we were both alive. Oh, and he said to say Harvey was asking about you, but he covered for you, and now you owe him for forever because he's the one who's stuck babysitting the Brightman's on detention while the teachers are busy or something. I don't even know."

"Really? Why can't Charlie or Justin do that?"

"Apparently they're… busy."

"Oh… OH! Ok. Huh."

Julian made a face. "I know."

He took two glasses from one of the cupboards, filling them with water, both wishing for something stronger but feeling that it wouldn't be the best idea, not with things standing so uncertain between them.

"So…" Logan asked over his glass as the silence threatened to become awkward. "Where do we go from here?"

Julian shrugged. "I love you, you love me. You're inconstant, I'm terrified… _Is _there a way forward?"

The Warbler raised an eyebrow. "You are such a cynic in love."

"What do you expect? I've been in love with a squid of ignorance for three years."

"Squid of –? Wait, _three years?_ Jules! Why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"By the time I realised anything, you had Blaine. I watched you screw the both of you up before moving on to Josh… By that time that ended, I was too pissed off, and too steeped in self-preservation, to say a word. Then came Hummel."

"And Derek – he knew too, huh? God, it must have driven him crazy…"

Julian chuckled. "Yeah, it kind of did. I think he ships us harder than…"

Logan glanced up. "Harder than who, Jules?"

"…harder than me."

Logan blinked. "God. We are so fucked up."

The actor laughed, "You can say that again."

"Jules… I really did mean what I said. I love you more than Kurt, or Blaine, or any one of those guys I've crushed on in the past. I _love _you. We're talking Disney, Romeo and Juliet, I'd-do-anything-for-you kind of love.

"And we know each other. You have seen me at my absolute worst – throwing chairs, throwing punches, throwing _people_ – and you've stuck around. The only time you've truly run away was when the only right thing I've ever done scared you off. I can't just forget that.

"As for you… you're beautiful, Jules. You're fiery, and passionate, and talented. You're proud of all you've achieved, and you let nothing stand in your way. You're bitchy, and you whine, and you never _tell _me what your Goddamn _problem_ is – but I love you. I love you, and I want to be with you. More than anything.

"In ten years' time I want to call you my husband – I want to be married, with kids, living in whatever city _you_ dream about. I want to have to play the hard-line Dad, because you'll be too busy spoiling our son and daughter rotten. I want to watch you get old and even crankier, and laugh at me when I lose my temper, and bitch at me when I go too far, and love me when I'm pathetic and stupid. I want to know when I die that every song I sung from this day on was for _you_."

Julian took a deep breath. Maybe he was wrong; maybe Logan _was_ ready for this.

"Well," he breathed shakily. "_Every _song, you say?"

Logan smiled. "Every song. And you know what else I want?"

The actor shook his head.

"I want to kiss you."

"Oh. Ok. I think that could be… arranged."

Logan took a step forward, feeling a predatory grin creep onto his face. "Really?"

"Definitely. Uh… maybe."

"Are you sure?" Another step. "I'd hate to inconvenience you in any way." And another.

"Oh no, not at all."

Julian was rather adorable when he was flustered, Logan decided, taking another step. He was standing directly in front of the actor now, holding himself back, just standing there watching him squirm.

"I'm sure it wouldn't…" Julian's tongue darted out to lick his suddenly dry lips, unable to stop staring at Logan's own. "Uh, wouldn't be a problem," he finished faintly.

"Oh good." Logan pounced.

It was a desperate, ravenous kiss – all hard mouths and soft lips. As the Warbler wound his fingers in Julian's hair, he heard the boy whimper, then moan, and cursed himself for not doing this sooner.

But now that he had – now Logan Wright had Julian Larson in his arms – he was _not _letting go. Not for anything.

"I love you," he murmured, pulling away. "I will always love you."

"Oh God, I love you" Julian whispered, resting their foreheads together. "I've waited so long to hear those words."

Logan bestowed his best friend with his most devastating smile. "So. Where do we go from here?"

Julian grinned, but made a show of considering. "Well… I'm thinking _forward_, but I can't be sure… You might have to remind me again, just _why _should we be together?"

The blonde stole a kiss.

"Oh, I see… Very logically argued, but I'm not entirely sure I'm convinced—"

And this is where you and I, reader, must leave the tale. With two boys, arguing and laughing and smiling and stealing kisses in a kitchen in L.A., far away from their school, and their friends, and their lives; with two boys in love.


End file.
